Losing our Innocence on the Field

Recently I attended a gathering where a couple was sharing about their future move to Asia.  They were excited, passionate, hopeful, and probably a bit nervous.  Preparing to move overseas for the first time, the room felt full of the “I can’t wait to get to the field and change the world” excitement.

And I am excited for them…

And I am terrified for them…

…because I have lost my ministry innocence. 

When I talk with people preparing to move overseas, I have mixed emotions.  Life experiences have shown me that ministry {especially cross-culturally} is complicated.  There are amazing parts and complicated parts.  The parts no one talks about.

I found myself sitting there thinking about the times when ministry is complicated…

…sometimes conversions are faked for the want of handouts.

…sometimes there are real threats to our physical safety.

…sometimes team is messy and dysfunctional.

…sometimes national pastors leave the faith.

…sometimes domestic violence is a part of cross cultural worker homes.

…sometimes corruption is deep and complicated.

…sometimes ministries actually do harm while trying to do good.

…sometimes our ministries take precedence over our families.

…sometimes unresolved emotional baggage can leave us crippled in ministry.

…sometimes addictions are a secret way to cope with the stress of living overseas.

…sometimes people rescued out of trafficking go back into the industry.

…sometimes agencies in an effort to help can actually make things worse.

…sometimes living internationally has a lasting toll on our health.

I wish so much that I didn’t know a person to go with each of these scenarios.

And I sit with all this, and I listen to the couple sharing…and I am caught!

Caught between wanting to celebrate with them, and telling them not to go.  Filled with emotions of excitement and concern.  Wanting desperately to cheer them on while cautiously wondering on the inside if they would take this step if they knew what might lie ahead.

I know that my innocence isn’t coming back…that I will never be the same after serving overseas and walking alongside others who do.

I am reminded of a quote from a man who lived in Haiti who said, “I have joined the long defeat,” and I am encouraged.  He was referring to the idea that loving our world is really hard, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t sign up to help.  {Check out this Sara Groves song that centers on this quote.}

I am encouraged to not let the complications cripple me.  I am reminded that if I don’t pursue freedom in the midst of injustice, I am letting injustice win.  I am motivated to keep fighting for health in the midst of our broken world.

Losing our innocence is not a call to be crippled or calloused or cynical, but a call to run after hope with compassion and wisdom.

Back to the question:  How do we encourage those headed to the field when we feel like we have lost our ministry innocence?

I think about friends who have walked through one of the complicated scenarios above. I realize: many of them have qualities I want to exhibit in my life. These are a group of friends who may have lost their innocence for ministry, but many of them have a deep wisdom and passion for loving our world.  Despite their experiences, they encourage me to choose hope and compassion over fear and cynicism.

These are people who…

….have let brokenness grow a beautiful humility and authenticity.

…have fallen deeply in love with their Savior from a place of desperation.

…have modeled for their communities what building good self care into their lives looks like.

…have been freed from expectations of “changing the world” and are therefore able to daily live out of a simple desire to let who they are to make the world a richer place.

…have an approachability and compassion that comes from recognizing their own humanity.

…have a wisdom that comes from trying and failing and learning and trying again.

…have told me something like “living internationally is/was complicated, but it has made me a deeper and better person.”

I sit listening to the young couple who are passionate about their upcoming move.  I still don’t know exactly what words to share.  Part of me wants to protect them from the realities that might be a part of their life ahead.  Part of me wants to share some wisdom so they don’t make mistakes I made.

But I know I must make a choice.  A choice to choose hope.

A choice to trust that God is bigger then the complicated.

A choice to not allow cynicism to keep me from believing that an intentional decision to live cross culturally can sometimes make the world a better place.

A choice to trust that even though the journey they are embarking on is not easy and may someday bring deep pain that journey can also grow them into deeper and wiser people.

A choice to be excited for and to take steps to encourage them and be a companion to them in whatever their journey looks like in the coming days, months, and years!

What about you?  Do you find it complicated to encourage those transitioning to the field in the midst of your own re-entry?

What does it look like for your to encourage them on their journey?

Do you feel like your experience overseas has led you to lose your ministry innocence?

Do you find it difficult to choose hope instead of cynicism when talking about working internationally?